L'art c'est quoi?

Now I know, forever is not that long.

You have left, and I don’t see you coming ever again. Not again, as you used to. Not in that suit which looked so good in you; not with that tired smile you showed me every night; and definitely not with those eyes which used to glimmer when seeing me. It seems like I’ll never see them glimmer again.

You remain in home. You are still sat in your usual chair. Your usual side of the bed is still occupied by you. Your newspapers are still being read by you, as usual. And you keep smiling back each time I say I love you. In this empty house, you remain in home still.

It’s hard to realize there will be no more lullabies. And it hurts not to hear your whistling on the mornings. Where is all the joy you used to bring? Where is all the laughter I used to spread? Gone.

Why does the Sun keep rising over and over without you? Why is time passing by each second you are missing? How can kids laugh if you are not here anymore? Life, in its cruelty, stops for no one. Not even for you. And now I have the certainty it will not stop for me either.

I may tell you, then, that you leaving me I could handle. I could always picture you wherever outside, living your life. I could always picture you walking out the door, and go living elsewhere without me. Me outside your life I could handle. What I will never be able to handle is you, asleep, to remain inside a cold box, and be taken underground. That I will never, ever handle.

And today, these sour tears have dissolved the promise that now you will never fulfill. Not once have I felt as vulnerable as I feel today. And I have to stand this damned curse, which makes me -each time I’m asked about my state- unable to articulate any word, and do nothing but cry.

And as I remember you promised me to stand by me forever, I can’t help tears to run down my face, and the smile I fake to fade away once more. But while I suffer this pain, and you no longer do; there is no goodbye I can tell you, but only this farewell: See you soon.

Requiescat in pace… daddy.